Fear that your child is being bullied or mistreated at school
When we send our children off to school we tell them have a good day and hope that the day is in fact a good one. We hope they will be happy, safe and surrounded by wonderful experiences that will some day turn into cherished memories. Some parents start their mornings off with positive affirmations, reading journaling or a dance party in the living room!
Unfortunately, bullying, exclusion and mistreatment remain prevalent issues in educational settings. Whether your child is in General Education or has an Individualized Education Program (IEP) or a 504 plan, understanding the signs and taking proactive steps is crucial.
So what is bullying and exclusion and what are the similarities or differences? Bullying takes various forms and its impact can be devastating. It includes:
Verbal Abuse
· Hurtful words, name-calling and demeaning comments can scar a child emotionally.
· The old adage “sticks and stones” no longer hold true, words can indeed hurt and stay with you for years to come.
Physical Abuse
· pushing, hitting, kicking or any form of physical harm can cause immediate distress.
· Bruises fade but emotional wounds linger.
Social Exclusion
· Deliberate exclusion from conversations or activities can be equally painful
· Exclusion because of an issue like someone’s real or perceived label be it gender, race or disability is hard to understand for most young children.
· Feeling left out affects a child’s self esteem and sense of belonging.
Cyberbullying.
· Social media platforms provide a breeding ground for cyberbullying
· When online there are people who have a new found confidence in being especially hurtful and they behave in ways they would not do so in real life.
· Hurtful comments, rumors and online harassment can have lasting effects.
So how do you recognize the signs that your child is being bullied? Recognizing the signs is essential for all students, here are some steps you may find useful:
Listen and validate
· Create an open space for your child to share their experiences. Car rides where they don’t have to face you can be this space or the sofa with a blanket and a pillow to hold onto.
· Give the child the framework to report what happens in their day. When you see your child after school instead of asking “how was your day” try “tell me three things about your day.” If you want to be consistent then every day after school ask them to give you the rose, the thorn and the rosebud of the day. The rose is the BEST part of the day “I got to play with a new friend on the playground” or “we had a really fun school assembly!” The thorn is what they consider to be the worse part of the day “it rained all day and we did not get to play on the playground” or “xyz was really mean and pushed me again while they called me a mean word.” The rosebud is fun they want to report to you that has not happened quite yet but is something exciting the child wants to report to you.
If you give a child the space and respect to listen and validate their feelings on the simple days they will be more likely to come to you and feel safe reporting what happened on the complicated days.
Document incidents
· Send an email every time! Documenting incidents – especially reoccurring incidents is a great habit to start. If the school thinks this is the first incident when it is actually the 9th then it changes the conversation.
· If you have an in person conversation with someone about your child being bullied, harassed or excluded – send them an email thanking them for sharing this information with you and in your email write a sentence or two that summarizes what this person reported to you.
Contact the school
· When things become overwhelming for your child you must contact the school. A good person to start with is the student’s main teacher, SPED teacher or case manager. If that does not seem to go anywhere you can involve admin by cc’ing them on any emails you send.
· Phone calls are fine but always document when you report things to the school.
Empower your child
· Practice what words we use when we report incidents to the school teacher or admin.
· Explain what student’s can do when there is something happening. Maybe they have a person in the school they feel safe talking to like a counselor or the librarian. If the main teacher is busy the student feels they cannot interrupt in that moment they ask to go see the principal.
· While we want to make sure our students understand the difference between tattling and reporting – it is important for students to feel they are able to report incidents in real time.
· Offer praise when a student reports an incident either in real time, later that evening or a few days later. It is hard to report these things and the student should feel it was the right thing to do.
Review IEPs and 504 plans
As parents we must remain vigilant as bullying affects children across all educational settings. Parents should communicate openly and advocate for our children’s safety. Every child deserves a nurturing and respectful environment. Let’s work together to create schools where inclusion and kindness prevails over exclusion and cruelty. Maybe…just maybe we can make this world a better place for the next generation.
